When did life become so hard? Today, life feels burdensome.
The naive bliss of being a child is what I long for now, even though then, I longed to be where I am today. I’m learning that getting older doesn’t necessarily mean I’m getting wiser; it simply means that my heart breaks a little easier than it used to. The world feels heavier than it used to. I cry a little more than I used to. I find myself wishing for a simpler time when the world didn’t feel so heavy or deflated of kindness. But I wonder now as an adult looking back at that naive child; a child hidden behind a false reality of ignorance and bliss, is that really a life worth going back to? Does that way of thinking backward serve my King?
When I look behind me and long for simpler times, I hear the Lord beckoning me to look at Him. Surprisingly, it’s in this brokenness that I feel so deeply that His presence is felt so intimately. What if my heart was created to break so that His light can penetrate the darkness within me? I may long for simpler times, and I may turn my head to look behind me, but God is right here with me. If He promises to be enough, then why do I long for a life already lived? I kill the beauty of right now by looking behind, and I realize that I long to hide. I crave to be hidden behind blissful ignorance like that naive child I used to be.
I want to cover my eyes at the world and tell it to go away. I want to hide my brokenness because that’s what I’ve been taught to do. I’ve been taught to hide my blemishes and my flaws because I’ve only known them as weakness. So, when the world gets loud, and I start to crack, I want to hide. Oh, Lord help me see my brokenness as beautiful in the presence of your love. I long to abide in you, and I see now that running back to that naive child is not a life lived wholly. It’s a life lived halfheartedly and I see now that my brokenness calls me to persevere toward you, Jesus. Because it is only when I live broken before you that I can truly live with my heart and eyes wide open. When my heart and my eyes are wide open, I can see through your lens, Father. I can love like you; I can find joy that lasts and peace that surpasses knowledge. When I’m hidden in you, I am found and I am seen.
When I hide from you, I live only a half-life. So, I take this step toward you, Father. I run to your arms of immeasurable grace and with courage I lay down my brokenness and watch you turn my ashes into something magnificent. I watch the broken parts of my heart and the empty holes within my soul become whole. I feel my strength returning. I’m learning that wholeness happens not because I am flawless but because I am broken before you and your strength can finally find a way to get through.
My brokenness teaches me to love, because you love the broken. You gave yourself for them, for me. Even though the world remains heavy, my spirit is lifted because you are the One who carries me. You are the One who puts my broken pieces back together again so I can walk out into the broken world and love without hiding.
Photo by Quaid Lagan on Unsplash
This guest post is by writer Celia Miller you can connect with her at : www.CeliaAMiller.com
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