Dear God,
My joy is back! Oh, how I missed it.
It’s a different kind of joy this go ‘round. When I was younger, before I had experienced much of life, joy came so naturally. I would walk around with a huge smile on my face, declaring “God is good! Life is good!” without a care in the world or concern of what might be going on around me.
This time, the joy is deeper and I am more grateful for it. What a relief to have tangible joy once again! To experience laughter that bubbles up from deep within and to enjoy the presence of others more fully.
Of course, I still struggle. The old anger reared its ugly head again last week. The difference is, this time, the anger doesn’t win. The joy does.
I see now. Maybe not the whole picture, but at least a corner or two. All those tears, all the pain, all the conversations with my counselor, the discovery of depression and the fight to overcome it. You had a purpose in all of it, didn’t You?
You used the depression to make me whole. You’ve given me eyes to see others in a completely new way. I empathize with moms of littles because I actually comprehend how hard those years are. I was certain I would go crazy for the lack of sleep, and at times, maybe I did, but here I am on the other side.
Here I am standing in victory. I love the time I get to spend with my children. I’m grateful for the ability to continue to use and apply the tools I learned in counseling. I find joy in the opportunity to share hope with others who just might be facing a depression of their own.
I don’t want those years to go to waste. Every sleepless night, every anxious thought, every burst of anger stilled by Your perfect peace. Use every bit of it. When the darkness tries to come again, let Your light shine brighter.
You work all things for the good of those who love you. I don’t always understand Your methods, but I know that You are good. You are so, so good. You are good in the good times, and the hard times and the sad times and the impossible times. I praise You and thank You.
Yours forever and always,
Amanda
Photograph by Alexa Stutts of https://www.alexasphotography.com
This was a guest post by writer Amanda Freeman you can connect with with her at :
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