What they say about me: Quiet. Shy. Nice.
What I feel: Unknown. Unseen. Invisible.
Living a life of comfort has resulted in isolation, and I’ve lived here too long. No one knows me because no one has seen me, the real me. I’ve chosen comfort over taking risks, over living a life. But God didn’t make me so I could stay hidden in my cozy little shell.
If a seed stays safe and hidden in its shell, not wanting to disrupt the soil, it will never produce the beauty that God intended for it.
Photo by Andrew Small on Unsplash
God didn’t let Moses hide in Midian. He didn’t let Esther hide in the king’s palace. And He doesn’t let the seed stay hidden in the soil. Following God will require me, lover of all things safe and cozy, to be uncomfortable.
Lord, give me strength and resolve to break the shell I’ve built around myself. Give me courage to disrupt the soil of others’ expectations of me. I have faith that transformation is on the other side, but the growth will require my pain and discomfort. Help me to endure.
Tomorrow this shell is breaking. I’ll be standing in front of women who already know, serve, give, and do better than me. And yet, I’ll be the teacher. My first feeling is that these women will be my toughest critics. But the more I consider it, these women could be my strongest encouragers.
Maybe this scary place—in front of others, behind a podium—is actually a safe place when I take God there with me. I will see the graciousness of God in the faces looking back at me, or I will see judgement. The choice is up to me. I want to choose to see grace.
Because when the quiet observer becomes the teacher, there will be missteps. I will be nervous, my heart will be pounding, my palms will be sweaty, I will say the wrong thing. But I want to continue to stretch, to grow, to reach for the light instead of staying hidden in the darkness.
I do not want to hide forever, unknown and unseen. Speaking up, sharing what I’ve learned about Him, is how God wants me to show up in my weakness and embrace His strength—walking out of my comfort zone and into His arms.
The center of attention is the last place I want to be. But humility isn’t making myself smaller—it’s making God bigger. Courage isn’t puffing myself up, but making God greater than my insecurities.
If nearness to God is what I crave, then I must be willing to stretch. Because I don’t feel Him here in this dark shell. He’s out there, waiting. Waiting for me to do the hard work of showing up, following where He leads.
This guest post is from writer Natalie Hilton you can connect with her at : www.nataliehilton.com
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